Singin' in the John with the Prez

By: OANow Staff | Opelika Auburn News
Published: June 14, 2007 | 0 Comments | Post a Comment

This week's archived column comes from summer of 2005. I still wonder if that was President Bush in the bathroom at Daytona.

I think I shared the bathroom with President Bush. I don’t know for sure, but I’ve often wondered.
President Bush was at the 2004 Daytona 500. So was I.
President Bush was in the press box that day. So was I.
Surely, President Bush had to go to the bathroom at some point. So did I.
Did our paths cross in the men’s room inside Daytona International Speedway’s press box during a mid-race caution period? Was that the president’s black shoes dangling from the toilet in the stall? If so, was he OK?
Who were those men in sunglasses and earpieces standing outside the bathroom? Why did they give me dirty looks when I walked out the door? Surely, real Secret Service agents wouldn’t let anyone else inside, right?
And why on earth did it take me five minutes after the fact for my lame brain to register -- to even entertain the possibility -- that I may have shared the men’s room with our Commander-in-Chief, the world’s most powerful man other than Bill Gates, and the leader of the free world?
What would you do if you really were in the bathroom with the president, current or future? Do you strike up a conversation? If so, what do you say? Do you offer an extra roll of toilet paper? Do you shake his hand afterward and risk catching presidential bacteria? Do you not say anything at all and forever go through life wondering where the conversation would have gone if initiated? Do you ask him if he's dropped any bombs lately? Do you strike up a song and see if he’ll join in?
Less than an hour later, Air Force One zoomed into the sky and took the president with it. I was left not knowing who the person in the bathroom really was.
Two weeks ago, I stood outside the White House gates shortly before midnight. I’d never been there, so I thought it was pretty cool. A few lights were still on inside. I wondered if the president was watching Leno, or maybe SportsCenter.
I wondered why the front of the White House seemingly had so little security. I was reminded that I’d probably been walking through an infrared zone for the last 50 yards and that I’d been on camera for some time. Should I wave? Yeah, that’s it. All I need is an FBI file. Moments later, I left.
President Bush probably peered out the window that night and gave a puzzled look. The First Lady came over to his window and asked, “what’s wrong, honey?” “I’m not sure, but I think I shared the bathroom at the race track in Daytona with that freak outside. It was awful. He was singing the Laverne and Shirley jingle and now I can’t get it out of my mind.
‘Give us any chance we’ll take it. Leave us any rule we’ll break it. We’re gonna make our dreams come true, doin’ it our way.’”
“George, please stop.”
“No, I can’t.”
“Nothing’s gonna turn us back now (snapping his fingers and tapping his toes). Straight ahead and on a track now. We’re gonna make our dreams come true. Doin’ it our way.
“Hey, I think we’re on to something …
“There’s nothing we won’t try. Never heard the word impossible. This time there’s no stopping us. We’re gonna do it. On your marks, get set and go now. Got a dream and we just know now. We’re gonna make our dreams come true.”
“Yes, that’s it. Call in the speech writer. I’ll use this in my upcoming address. That’s right, America, we’re going to make our dreams come true. At least that’s what I’ll tell them.
“Laura, let’s go thank that guy. No wait, he’s gone.”
President Bush will forever wonder if he shared the bathroom at Daytona with Joe McAdory. And if you’ve got the Laverne and Shirley song stuck in your head for the rest of the day, I’m sorry.