Bob Mount: Time to consider pets' license fees

I own three dogs. They stay within the boundaries of my 40-acre snake farm and are valuable because they deter unwanted visitors, be they four-legged or two-legged, from trespassing.

They are vaccinated annually for rabies, and I attach certificates on my door attesting thereto in the event a county animal control officer has a question, which he might because my dogs seldom have collars. I have tried to keep collars on them with the rabies vaccination tags attached, but to no avail. Somehow they divest themselves of the collars within a week or so after I put them around their necks.

The reason this subject came to mind was an article in this newspaper concerning a proposal the Lee County Commission was considering. It would be a recommendation to the county’s legislative delegation that legislation be enacted to allow the county to assess a license fee to rural residents for each dog and cat they own.

Personally, I would not object to paying a reasonable fee for my dogs, providing I could pay by mail and there was no requirement that they be collared. Aside from the fact that collars are usually lost, a dog could be strangled if the collar should be snagged by a barb on a strand of barbed wire.

Enforcement would be extremely time-consuming and difficult. Dog catchers might be moderately successful, but free-ranging cats, owned or feral, are usually unapproachable. Proof of ownership would be a problem, especially regarding cats. A cat observed slinking around someone’s residence might or might not be owned. Even if owned by the resident, he or she could tell the inspector, “It doesn’t belong to me, it just shows up from time to time.”

* * *

“Our records indicate you have a balance on your credit card of $6,000. We can offer you a plan that will substantially reduce the interest you are currently paying. If interested, press one now.”

“I represent a wealth management company that advises high-end clients and I would appreciate an opportunity to meet with you and tell you about our services.”

I don’t carry a balance on my credit card and never have. And I don’t consider my financial status “high-end,” not even close. I wonder how these two callers got my phone number and their misinformation about my finances.

Then there’s a caller offering me cheap burial insurance, which I do not need. When I die, I will be transported to the UAB Medical School. When the medical students get through examining my innards, my remains will be cremated and buried in a graveyard the university maintains. Total cost to my estate, about $700, a pretty good deal considering that the cost of a regular funeral now is about $8,000. I once was an organ donor, but I’m afraid that at my age, my organs are close to being worn out.

Recently, telemarketers offering to sell me extended warranties on my vehicles have been calling my cell phone. How they got my number remains a mystery.

Bob Mount is emeritus professor of zoology and entomology at Auburn University and writes a weekly column for the Opelika-Auburn News.