Mary Belk: Horse-trading tops horse racing any day

Whoever said, “Ignorance is bliss” never bought a horse. Anybody who’s purchased one knows it can be tricky business.

Undoubtedly, the most exciting venture in the horse world isn’t racing. Even steeplechasing can’t rival the greatest equine adventure — horse-trading. When setting out to buy a horse, I’ve found the adage “All’s fair in love and war and horse-trading” to be true, especially at a public auction.

There is an understanding at these sales that what you see is what you get. Sometimes dealers will tranquilize a high-strung beast to make him seem calm. Phenylbutazone can cause a lame horse to appear sound. And steroids cover up respiratory problems.

Sometimes, I’m not sure whether ads are meant to mislead or are incorrect due to ignorance. Problem is, many folks don’t understand the terminology they use. No matter what an ad says, you never know what you’ll find.

Most ads give the steed’s size. Horses are measured in hands from the ground to the top of the withers. A hand equals four inches, and anything under 14.2 hands is a pony.

The best pony I ever owned was advertised as a 16-hand brown Thoroughbred stallion. This 14-hand gray pony was a mare.

A few years ago, I decided to look for another large pony. I saw an ad in the newspaper for a brown Shetland pony. That wasn’t what I wanted. A Shetland pony is much to small for me. But I decided to check it out. I found the paddock bracketed between a squat barn and a tumble-down trailer. I spotted a pretty, palomino Welsh pony. That couldn’t be her. Too big. Wrong color.

“Wish I could buy that large pony,” I said to the man in charge.

“Nah, the Shetland’s the one for sale,” he said pointing to the Welsh.

For those who are in the market for a horse, here are some clues to interpreting ads:

“Easy caught” could mean not so easy to ride. Likewise, “easy to ride” might indicate, “if you can catch him.” And “great over fences” should indicate whether this means with or without the rider.
Norman Thelwell’s classic equine cartoons are based on his understanding of the personalities and psychology of rotund ponies and pony-struck children. Read his books “Angels on Horseback” or “A Leg at Each Corner.”

He covers the whole field of equitation from how to get a pony to how to prevent one from getting you; from how to pull his tail (thin the hair) to how to bandage your legs after pulling his tail.

Non-equestrians may be somewhat confused. If horses are so cantankerous, and if it’s so hard to find one that’s satisfactory, why not settle for a nice tabby cat?

It all boils down to the proverb known to all horse lovers, “The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man.”

Mary Belk lives in Auburn and writes a column for the Opelika-Auburn News.