From the You-Can’t-Make-This-Stuff-Up file ...

By Jennifer J. Foster

Imagine for a moment that you’re a high school student sitting down for an English test.

Say you’re having a bad day.

You’re not really in the mood to take a test.

So you decide, you’re not only going to not take the test; you’re going to get your money’s worth by telling off the teacher.

Let’s say you decide to write, as your answer on the test, a two-word expletive that begins with F and ends with “off.“

Now, what do you expect that response would earn you?

How does two points out of 27—or 7 percent—grab you?

Yes, it happened, in Britain. The young man wrote the profane statement and earned two points because, according to the test examiner, “it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling.“

Some meaning?

Perhaps that kid needs to be schooled in the meaning of “expulsion.“

The examiner continued, “It would be wicked to give it zero ...“

“Wicked?“ What about the wickedness of that kid’s action?

“It’s better than someone that doesn’t write anything at all,“ the examiner said.

Better than what, exactly?

But, as they say, that’s not all.

The examiner said the student actually missed an opportunity with his answer.

The student could have earned more points, he said, by punctuating the statement.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Read the story here.

Pictures tell the story

By Jennifer J. Foster

You read my thoughts last week on the state of the newspaper industry (“The wrong way to save newspapers” and “More newspaper gore) and how corporate bosses’ attempts to squeeze blood out of the turnip can only hasten newspapers’ demise.

Well, today I discovered the simply stunning Flickr page of Martin Gee, a veteran designer and illustrator at the San Jose (Calif.) Mercury News. He put the page together as his way of dealing with the massive layoffs there. It is a visual representation of the human toll those massive cuts are taking—and how they are making the Mercury News look more like a warehouse than a functioning newspaper. The photos show a cavernous stillness that literally took my breath away.

SIDEBAR: Note that David Butler, editor of the Mercury News was among those quoted in the “More newspaper gore” post last week. END SIDEBAR

Unfortunately, as you’ll read in this story from Editor & Publisher, irony knows no bounds: The man who so poignantly documented the way the layoffs were eviscerating the Mercury News can now add a photo of his own empty desk to his blog.

But I’m sure it was “no reflection” on Gee. I’m sure it’s “totally an economic matter.”

Right?

Obama and the OTHER Clinton

By Jennifer J. Foster

Barack Obama finally talked with former president Bill Clinton today, weeks after Hillary Clinton dropped out of the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.

Many a political tongue has wagged about the former president’s notable absence from the so-called “Unity” event Friday and his silence about Obama’s campaign since the end of the primary season on June 4.

But has Clinton really been silent?

According to this report in the London Daily Telegraph, “Bill Clinton is so bitter about Barack Obama’s victory over his wife Hillary that he has told friends the Democratic nominee will have to beg for his wholehearted support.“

According to the story, someone identified only as a “senior Democrat who worked for Bill Clinton” told the Telegraph:

He’s been angry for a while. But everyone thought he would get over it. He hasn’t. I’ve spoken to a couple of people who he’s been in contact with and he is mad as hell.

He’s saying he’s not going to reach out, that Obama has to come to him. One person told me that Bill said Obama would have to, quote, kiss my ass, close quote, if he wants his support.

Hogwash, chief Clintonite and Hillary Clinton for President campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe said Sunday. According to CNN:

“He was angry that these ridiculous stories were out here, and these supposed close friends of the president—none of the close friends ever got called,“ McAuliffe said, referring to anonymous sources quoted in some stories. “What happens, a lot of time, is people like to pretend they’re close so they can tell the reporters that they’re close, but, you know, they’re just talking.“

As for why it’s taken so long for Bill Clinton to patch things up with Obama, McAuliffe said the former president wanted to wait until after his wife patched things up with Obama to do his own—er, kissing and making up.

Hillary Clinton hosted an event for Obama with her top fundraisers Thursday and appeared with him at the “Unity” event on Friday.

And anyway, McAuliffe said, even if Bill Clinton was mad, it’s no big deal; after all, McAuliffe said, Clinton is Irish.

Well, whatever the reasons, the former president and the would-be president finally spoke—by phone—today. According to Obama’s spokesman, Bill Burton, Obama “had a terrific conversation with President Clinton and is honored to have his support in this campaign.“

Clinton Foundation communications director Matt McKenna said Clinton “renewed his offer to do whatever he can to ensure Sen. Obama is our next president.“

Now that we have a post-phone call statement about Obama from Clinton, let’s compare that to the pre-phone call statement he made. According to CNN:

But some analysts read bitterness into the fact that Bill Clinton ... had made no personal comments supporting Obama since his wife conceded the nomination. Instead, the former president released a statement through a spokesman saying he “is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do” for Obama.

Hmm ... for me, those rate about the same on the Endorse-o-Meter.

Maybe the kissing noises didn’t come through over the phone.

Back and catching up

By Jennifer J. Foster

I’ve been out of town for two and a half weeks, but I’m finally back home. Keep an eye here over the next few days. I owe you some posts about some important topics, including the Supreme Court decisions last week and State Sen. Ted Little’s recent columns in the Opelika-Auburn News. I’ll be posting them as I emerge from the mounds of catch-up work threatening my view of the sun.

Vandals display their brilliance

By Jennifer J. Foster

Some vandals provided dozens of examples this weekend why voting should not be compulsory in this country. From WOFL Fox 35 in Orlando, Fla.:

The Orlando Police Department found dozens of city owned vehicles vandalized Saturday.

The vandal or vandals appear to have political intentions; most of the vehicles were spray painted with anti Obama sayings, with ‘Obama’ misspelled several times. Some of their vehicles had their gas caps removed ...

The person or persons left a business card with political ramblings and other phrases such as ‘How ‘Bout them Gators’ and ‘Legalize Marijuana/ Stop Building Prisons’.

The perpetrators also left a business card that took shots at Barack Obama and John McCain, making racist statements about Obama and charging that McCain is “old” and “needs new thinking.“

These geniuses showed off their mastery of the English language, capitalizing almost every word on the business card.

Stop building prisons? After seeing this, I’m really convinced about that argument.

See pictures of the damage and see video here.