Fonzie, Richie Cunningham take No. 1

By Chris Sweigart

Three’s Company and Miami Vice go down as my two-favorite television shows of all-time. John Ritter’s comedy always made me laugh, while Crockett and Tubbs made me want to get a houseboat with a pet alligator named Elvis. But I can’t consider either as one of America’s five-greatest television shows ever. Below is a short list of what I perceive as the best-five shows:

1. Happy Days: It’s the All-American story that involved growing up, funny situations, school, family and a motorcycle dude who perpetually stuck his thumb in the air. It’s sad that Richie, Fonz and the gang didn’t have any hangouts other than Arnold’s. You’d think malts would get old.

2. M.A.S.H.: Told the story of men and women trying to save the lives of American soldiers in the Korean War, but did so in a humorous way.

3. All in the Family: The rants and ravings of Archie Bunker are legendary. The show introduced us to Dingbat and Meathead, and pushed the envelope of political correctness.

4. Seinfeld: This may have been the most-watched TV show ever. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t watch it.

5. Law and Order: Been running for 17 years. Explores our cities’ legal system, but is also a police show. Good actors. Good stuff.

Almost making my list: I Love Lucy, The Flintstones, 60 Minutes, Cheers, Friends and The Cosby Show.

Next week’s top five: Commercials.

Corporate America should be black-flagged

By Chris Sweigart

This week’s archived column was published Feb. 17, 2006
Tire smoke and brake dust filled the air. The scent of racing fuel filled my nose, and the roaring thunder of oversized engines pierced my eardrums.

The grandstand seats were wooden bleachers. Tickets were a few dollars. Concessions were too. The race cars were behemoths - Dodge Chargers. Mercury Cougars. Chevrolet Chevelles. If they made them any larger, they’d come with propellers.

Drivers were real racers - cut from the cloth of hard work, grease and all-nighters at the shop. They were an eclectic group of characters - the King, the Silver Fox, Coo Coo, Fireball, Buddy, Bobby, Cale, and Jaws. They were as personable as they were colorful.

Drivers stayed in cheap motels, dined on fresh seafood at local restaurants, took their kids to the beach and blended with the public. There were no $300,000 luxury motor homes. Maybe a Winnebago or two.

The year was 1976. There was no live television. There were no round-the-clock sponsorship functions.

My father took me to my first NASCAR race 30 years ago this week. Daytona International Speedway, DePalma grandstands, just a few rows up. God, it was loud. I think I’ve still got Unocal 76 exhaust in my lungs. I remember it like it was yesterday. I loved every minute.

America was in recovery mode that year. We’d recently gotten our troops out of Vietnam, and our citizens were trying to trust a federal government once embroiled in corruption. Watergate had passed, but hard feelings did not.

Wide-smiling Jimmy Carter was elected president that fall over Gerald Ford in a ballot that showcased a popular desire for change more than it did a popular desire for Georgia’s former governor to occupy the White House.

America was at the crossroads. Jobs were being cut. Mills were closing. Homeless rates were on the rise and the American spirit was in dire need of a pit stop. At least we celebrated our Bicentennial that summer.

But NASCAR was pristine, untarnished by the bloodthirsty vultures we call money-hungry corporations.

Not for long.

How quickly this sport with roots entrenched in the Carolina foothills and Daytona sand were displaced into the board rooms, and suffers from the same corporate demons that control America today. It changed from a sport to a business: from the race fan to the stockholder. Such changes ensured growth. They did not make the sport more enjoyable. A race is less of a race and more of a four-hour commercial.

Multimillion dollar sponsorships - necessary evils for the sport’s ultimate success at the bank - turn drivers into puppets, running them ragged on countless promotional appearance tours.

Drivers morphed from racers with grease and sweat on their brow into Ken Dolls, with pretty faces made for television.

Don’t tell me television - and its sponsors - do not run major sports. NASCAR bows to the networks, as do the NFL, NBA, NCAA, whomever.

Multimillion dollar contributions (investments) from special interest groups and massive corporations - necessary evils to win elections - turn political leaders into puppets, running them ragged on countless lobbying tours in efforts to sway bills in a way that benefits the money machines.

Don’t tell me major industries don’t run our government.

Don’t tell me major industries do not have their say-so in Alabama politics either.

We can go around in circles at 200 mph and when it’s all said and done, we really haven’t gone anywhere. Instead, we need to elect politicians brave enough to ignore what’s best for corporate agendas and legislate what’s best for the American people.

What happened to my NASCAR?

What happened to my America?

Sold, to the highest bidder.

Joe McAdory is editorial page editor for the Opelika-Auburn News. He can be reached at 737-2549 or

The streak will come to an end

By Chris Sweigart

The last time Auburn played a football game at Jordan-Hare Stadium and I was not in attendance was Halloween 1992. The Tigers tied Arkansas 24-24. Since that day, I’ve been present for 98-consecutive home football games (either in the press box or high atop section 45), beginning with the 1992 Georgia game through last year’s Georgia debacle. In that stretch at Jordan-Hare, Auburn has won 74 times, lost 22 times and tied once (Georgia 1994), been through four coaches (Pat Dye, Terry Bowden, Bill Oliver and Tommy Tuberville), had two unbeaten seasons and won the SEC once.

Not a bad run.

South Florida’s week two visit this season will mark my 100th-consecutive home game. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have such a streak, but this is my blog, so I will talk about it. More than likely, my streak will end that evening. When Mississippi State visits a week later, I plan on watching the game on television. I suppose I need a break. No traffic. No lines for food. No people standing in front of me for no apparent reason.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll blog about some of the streak’s highlights along the way: best games, Auburn’s biggest wins, worst defeats, most memorable plays, etc.

Troy: The cleanest air in America

By Chris Sweigart

CNN.com listed what it perceived as America’s 100-best places to live, according to Money Magazine, and just one Alabama city, Helena, cracked the top 10. It listed Middleton, Wisc., as the best place to live. Must not be too bad. Got the Packers, mild summers, good cheese and bratwurst. No SEC football, so that’s a big strike for me.

It also broke down the best places into individual groups.

Highest income: Hillsborough, Calif., at $263,000.

Priciest homes: Monteicito, Calif., at $3.2 million. Faincy folks. High-society.

Most affordable homes: Northbrook, Ohio, at $83,760.

Job growth: Tooele County, Utah

Fast commutes: Pella, Iowa (8 minutes!)

Slowest commutes: Discovery Bay, Calif. (46 minutes!)

Hottest: Davis, Calif. (113 degrees)

Coldest: Rochester, Minn. (-11 degrees)

Most singles: State College, Pa. (Auburn cracked the list at No. 16)

Youngest: Storrs, Conn. (21 years)

Skinniest: Marin, Calif.

Cleanest air: Troy (little pollution in Pike County)

Found the list interesting and fun. Adios.

 

Too many trailers at the movies

By Chris Sweigart

After a Sunday trip to the movies, I got a gripe.

I like to know what’s coming next. I like to know what movies are going to be in theaters three to six months from now, but good grief, must the theater play every single trailer available? We watched 20 minutes of trailers before the actual movie started. By then, we’re already finished with the high-fat content buttered popcorn and sugared-down soft drink. Is it some plot to keep us in the theater longer, forcing us to buy more $3.50 sodas? After the first 10 trailers, I was waiting to see what was next, The Godfather 4 or a preview of Rocky 10.

Some people like previews. I do too, just not every preview known to man. Perhaps they should open up a theater and sell seats for previews only. Coming in Spring 2008, a tale so shocking, horrifying, twisted, blah, blah, blah.

The next time when a movie is advertised to begin at 3, I should expect it to begin at 3:30 and plan accordingly.

Thanks for letting me gripe. I feel much better now.