Don’t judge a ball cap by its sweat stains

By Joe McAdory

It’s faded from navy to gray, smells like the men’s locker room and looks like somebody threw up all over it. It’s the most disgusting looking ball cap in the world, but it’s mine and I love it.
Perhaps you can relate — minus the smell. Do you own something you absolutely love and can’t part with despite its age or appearance, but raises the eyebrows of those closest to you?

Old jeans.

A faded old t-shirt.

An old jacket or blanket.

For me, it’s my ugly hat.

There was a day when it was not ugly. It was pristine, floppy and sharp. It fit my big ’ol head perfectly.

Not too tight. Just right.

I loved it and I never wanted to take it off.

I did marathon training in that hat. It’s logged hundreds of miles with me, keeping the sun out of my eyes and sweat out of my face. Instead, it endured the brunt of the UV rays so I didn’t have to and became a cesspool of stinky, wet hair.

It sacrificed its own appearance (and smell) for me. How could I ever throw it away?
On Marathon Day in 2005, my ugly hat was in place and was just as important as running shoes or Gatorade. I couldn’t have finished the race without it.

Running took its toll on me. Had my share of aches, pains, and possible chafing, but that’s for another story.
That ugly ‘ol hat left the marathon with its own share of battle scars. Gone was that sharp, navy exterior. In its place was a dull, drab gray. Considering the amount of perspiration my scalp leaked into its cloth fabric, bizarre splotches of dried, stained sweat globs turned the outside appearance into some sort of abstract art.

Ugly, indeed.

But it didn’t matter how God-awful ugly it was. When it was on top of my head, I didn’t have to look at it.
I wear that sucker just about everywhere. Golfers wear a variety of hats to either keep the sun out of their faces or make some sort of unnecessary fashion statements.

Proper links attire generally includes a nice collared shirt. To feel high-society, I sometimes like to wear my Masters Polo. It’s a beautiful shirt, bought on the hallowed grounds of Augusta National.

Gives me a dignified look.

Almost snooty.

Except for the hat.

Some people choose to wear distinguished hats. You know, high-dollar lids you can find in big-money stores with fancy clothes. I could warm my head with a soft, felt fedora.
They’re very cosmopolitan, you know.

For years, most gentlemen wouldn’t leave home without one. But they don’t go well with my sweatpants and t-shirt.

Isn’t a fedora more appropriate with a trench coat and a tommy gun? Hmm ... I could be in the Godfather’s clan. Just call me Joey Corleone.
Instead, they made me an ugly hat I couldn’t refuse.

My ugly hat is a reflection of myself. I’m not saying I’m dog ugly or smell like three-year-old mold or fungus, but I’m comfortable with that stinkin’ hat, just like I’m comfortable with myself. I wouldn’t want to wear something else, just for the sake of show.

I am what I am.

My hat is what it is.

I ain’t tradin’ neither.

Joe McAdory is editorial page editor for the Opelika-Auburn News and can be reached at 737-2549 or .

Fantasy Congress is for real

By Joe McAdory

I’ve played fantasy football, fantasy NASCAR, fantasy baseball, even fantasy basketball. And now I’m on the brink of playing fantasy Congress. My God, what is happening to me?

Go to this link http://www.fantasycongress.com and you can register for the fall season. Perhaps next year we can all play fantasy Alabama Senate where meaningful bills get passed without fisticuffs.

In the first round of the 2007 Fantasy Congress Draft, the Puppetmen select Larry Craig, Republican from Idaho. I’m looking for a negative public image. Perhaps Hillary will be available in the second round.

Is Steve Largent still in Congress? If so, would his NFL receiving stats carry over into this league?

Much-needed red light erected in Smiths Station

By Joe McAdory

It’s about time. If you’re traveling between Opelika and Phenix City along U.S. Highway 280/431, you will finally notice a traffic signal is being erected at the intersection of the highway and Lee Road 379 as you near Smiths Station.

I asked myself, “why did this take so long?“ How many people lost their lives at that dangerous intersection? Before, traffic on Lee Road 379 would back up as vehicles braved danger to either cross the four-lane highway or merge on to it. After a while, motorists get tired of waiting and get risky. That’s when accidents happen. And when accidents happen at 65 mph, they usually turn out ugly.

Fearless picks made here

By Joe McAdory

I can’t have a football season without predicting the outcome of games each week. Instead of logging my picks in an old notebook, I’ll share my prognostications with you each week through this format. I’ll pick (or try to) the winners of five high school, 20 college, and all NFL games each Wednesday.
Let’s get the ball rolling:

High schools
Beauregard over Beulah
LaFayette over Loachapoka
Valley over Lanett
Opelika over Carver
Stanhope Elmore over Auburn

College
LSU over Mississippi State
Alabama over Western Carolina
Arkansas over Troy
Auburn over Kansas State
Florida over Western Kentucky
Georgia over Oklahoma State
Kentucky over Eastern Kentucky
South Carolina over Louisiana-Lafayette
California over Tennessee
Vanderbilt over Richmond
Ole Miss over Memphis
Wisconsin over Washington State
Florida State over Clemson
UCLA over Stanford
Missouri over Illinois
Washington over Syracuse
Boston College over Wake Forest
Notre Dame over Georgia Tech
Oregon over Houston
Colorado over Colorado State

No NFL games this week. The crystal ball has spoken.

City limits trump county lines in today’s election

By Joe McAdory

Hope you’re planning to vote today. If you live in Lee County, but your home also falls into the Phenix City city limits, there may be some confusion as to where your polling place is.

Many residents in southern Lee County will vote today at Glenwood School. However, if you live within the Phenix City limits, you must cast your vote in the Phenix City municipal election where you can elect whether or not to either raise property taxes in Phenix City only. Evidently, the city lines trump county lines in this election.

Before heading out to what you believe is your polling place, it may be best to check with your county registrar’s office to make sure you’re headed in the right direction.