According to multiple unnamed sources, don’t believe everything you hear

By Joe McAdory

Multiple sources told Arkansas news outlets two weeks ago that Tommy Tuberville would leave the Tigers to take over the Razorbacks. Who were these sources? They were never revealed in the reports.

ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit told a national television audience earlier this month that sources confirmed to him that LSU coach Les Miles was leaving for Michigan. Who were his sources? They were never revealed by Herbstreit.

Last year, a major news outlet in this state reported that “sources said” that West Virginia coach (or is that former West Virginia coach?) Rich Rodriguez was heading to Alabama. Who were these sources?

It appears that in this Internet era and competitive journalism, news outlets are so eager to be the first one to the punch that they put credibility aside and gamble that their secret sources know exactly what they are talking about. It’s difficult to put your reputation in the hands of a person you choose not to reveal because they spoke under a condition of anonymity. This condition gives them protection and makes the news outlets looking like fools.

Next time you hear a story reported with the “according to sources” tag, don’t jump and believe it as fact. It might be true. But it might not.

Mitchell Report no surprise to me

By Joe McAdory

With the release of the Mitchell Report, are we supposed to sit back and gasp at its revelations? Was this report supposed to reveal to us that baseball was riddled with a steroid problem? Didn’t we already know?

We just didn’t know specifically who. The biggest name, Roger Clemens, will certainly tarnish his image, but will it keep him out of Cooperstown?

Why is baseball targeted? I’d bet a few bucks other professional sports have a similar problem. Will this make me follow pro sports any less? Nah. I enjoy the competition. If these guys want to make idiots of themselves and subject their bodies to liver and kidney damage, go for it. At this point, with all of the publicity and truth that has been told about steroids, I’m not sure they’re setting an example for young people to follow. Instead, it seems to me they’re showing young people what not to do by making fools of themselves.

If young people want to be great athletes, I suggest they train hard, eat right and develop a positive mental approach to their activity.

I’m not on the phone, I’m shaving

By Joe McAdory

It seems cell phones can do about anything these days. With them, we can watch movies, television, streaming video, mark our calendars, do math with a calculator, receive up-to-the-minute time, take and store photographs, record video, record sounds, send text messages, check the Internet and play music.

Oh yes, I forgot. We also use them to make phone calls.

I’ve seen all sorts of fancy-schmancy cell phones for sale. Some have it all, such as the new iPhone. Others have limited options, but are gold plated and diamond studded. It will be a warm day at the
North Pole before you catch me using one of those. But my phone can do something no other phone does.

It pulls hair.

Not cuts hair. Pulls hair. From the root – like a pair of tweezers. Completely out of the head.

Communication has never been so painful.

You can always tell when I’ve been on the phone. There are no whiskers remaining on the left side of my face, which, by the end of the day, has turned a deep shade of red. When my ring tone belts “The Dark Side of the Force is Calling You,” agony is sure to follow.

“Hello … OUCH!”

The longer the call, the more facial hair is removed. It’s like getting a bikini wax for the face, except I’ve never had a bikini wax nor care to have one. Perhaps I should ease the pain by rubbing my left cheek with a smooth gel before I answer. Once the call is finished, I need an electric razor brush to clean out my cell, otherwise a handful of whiskers decorate the keypad.

Does anyone else out there have a hairy keypad?

I never enjoyed the shaving process. It usually takes crucial minutes I could otherwise use to do absolutely nothing in my recliner, and often includes splotches of blood around my chin. But with every phone call, that’s less facial hair I’ll have to remove by lathering up and stabbing myself to death with a plastic disposable Bic I often use 15 to 20 times before I actually dispose of it.
At least the cell phone gives me an option to the plastic razor. If I desperately need to shave and have no razors, I can pop about 10 Ibuprofens, grit my teeth and rub that little Nokia from one side of my face to the other. To prevent the danger of infection, it’s best to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. The pain lasts only a few minutes.

If anyone sees me rubbing my black phone on my face, think nothing of it. I’m just shaving.
I have taken some measures to ensure phone calls be taken or made without the pleasure of having hairs pulled one at a time. I could use my speakerphone. That way I don’t have to touch the cell, except anyone within 30 feet gets an earful. I could send a text out to friends reading, “Don’t call. I haven’t shaven today.”

I even got into the habit of shaving the danger spot on my left cheek twice daily with the plastic disposable. This way, there’s no hair to be pulled. Sometimes I’d forget to shave the other side of my face.

Yep, cell phones can do about anything. Come to think of it, maybe I’d settle for that prissy-looking, gold-plated thing with the diamond-studded keypad and spare my face a daily plucking.

Would spread offense hurt AU’s defense?

By Joe McAdory

Allow me to discuss a little football terminology in today’s entry. My only credentials are years of watching the game and an obsession for playing it via my PlayStation2.

Word has it that Troy State offensive coordinator Tony Franklin will succeed Al Borges at Auburn. Franklin’s record speaks for itself. His spread offense helped Troy put up a lot of points this season and once helped Kentucky be an offensive force under Hal Mumme. But is an up-tempo, quick-hitting offense the best thing for Auburn? The last time Auburn had an up-tempo, quick-hitting offense was 1996-97 when it relied heavily on quarterback Dameyune Craig. By the end of Terry Bowden’s regime (which did not run the spread by the way), Auburn had no running game and its defense was worn out. The root of the problem was a dependency on flash and finesse during the 1996 and 1997 seasons. It took Tommy Tuberville two years to rebuild the running game.

It seems to me that offenses that can score quickly do no favors for its defense. An offense that scores in two plays or punts in four runs little clock and puts its defense right back on the field. What you get are shootouts. The Miami Dolphins put up gobs of points with Dan Marino at quarterback, but its defense began to suffer when they passed nearly every down. Georgia racked up tons of yardage with Eric Zeier at quarterback, but its defense suffered too and the losses mounted.

If this spread offense is to be quick-hitting, it must have a solid, physical ground game to complement its passing attack. It appears Auburn has the backs to do that. In the SEC, no team can afford to lose its toughness. Football is always a physical game. Finesse won’t cut it. It’s imperative that a team be up-tempo when it wants to be and five yards and a cloud of dust when it needs to be. If Franklin can marry the two at Auburn, this will indeed be a good move for the program.

OK, back to the PlayStation2.

NWS: Southern winter not as cold, but just as dry

By Joe McAdory

According to the National Weather Service, the drought we’ve been mired in isn’t going away anytime soon. The NWS’ winter forecast for the Southeast includes above average temperatures, so that’s good for our heating bills, but also dry conditions.

For a complete winter outlook for the nation, check out this page presented by the NWS: http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2007/20071115_winteroutlook.html