Cows testing positive?

By Joe McAdory

Looking at my bag of cheddar cheese, I was stunned to read a note on the side that read “no added growth hormones.“ Actually, it kind of freaked me out. Are folks giving cows growth hormones? Makes me think of Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire. Cows on steroids? No. Growth hormone. Still, it freaked me out.

Was there a time when there were natural cows? If so, where did they go?

Is Angio-Seal the real deal?

By Joe McAdory

Anyone needing a cardiac catheterization in the near future should be at peace knowing the procedure is rather simple (compared to open heart or brain surgery) and it could very well have you back home in your bed that afternoon.

But one lingering concern from my experience earlier this week is the means by which the doctors sealed my femoral artery. It’s called an Angio-Seal and it’s supposedly the newest and safest trend in catheterization procedures. Four days later, my inner though still feels like it was smashed by a baseball bat and I developed bizarre blisters an inch from the actual puncture spot. One of these blisters burst, creating a delightful medley of blood of other bodily ooze juice. This area is now susceptible to infection, though I’m working to prevent that from happening.

Why do I have these blisters? Is it an allergic reaction to a foreign device inside my leg? Why does my leg still hurt? Just wondering.

I’m a walking pin cushion

By Joe McAdory

I’ve been away for a while dealing with this heart catheterization thing. Having a wire stuck into an artery, then into my heart wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought. That’s probably because I was hospital stoned at the time.

The big deal has been the needles and bandages. I’ve been stuck so many times in the last couple of weeks I feel like a junkie. I hear the song Strawberry Fields and I think of my arm. The IV needle I had Monday morning was undoubtedly the worst needle I’ve had in my life. If they want electrolytes going through my system so bad, just give me a two-liter of Gatorade and I’ll take care of it.

And then there are the bandages. I had one for my IV for about a day, a big one where the docs sliced into my upper thigh for about a day, another one Wednesday afternoon after a nurse drew blood for a test, and then two more Band-Aids Wednesday night when I discovered open wounds near the vicinity of that upper thigh incision. It looks like a series of blisters, two of which popped and oozed all kinds of good stuff down my leg. So, I bandaged those things up.

Anyway, I don’t foresee more bandages Thursday. I’m about out of them anyway.

War, weird weapons and BBQ

By Joe McAdory

Had a weird dream the other night that I can’t explain. Figured I’d share it with whover might be reading this.

Dreamed I was dressed in full battle fatigues somewhere in Central America. I kinda looked like Rambo. I had to lead my troops into a building occupied by bad guys. I don’t know who they were. Drug cartel? Regardless, it was guerrilla warfare.

But I told an older gentleman in the platoon that he must stay behind or he’d end up getting himself killed.

So, I snuck into the building hiding behind walls and crept slowly up a staircase. Once at the top of the stairs, I paused to rest on the floor behind a wall, and there was the old soldier already there with a big gun in his hands. Since he went this far I suppose he could go ahead and go the rest of the way. I told him to get the weapon ready and we were going to knock down this door and begin taking people out.

Here’s where it gets weird. I went to draw my weapon and it was just a clear, red Bic pin. Not one of those fancy James Bond pens, but one with regular old ink. So, I grasped it like a knife and figured I’d stab a few of the bad guys in the neck. Whatever.

As soon as we got in the room we told everyone we had to leave because we were supposed to get barbecue.

Priorities.

Inauguration a spectacle, but is it too much?

By Joe McAdory

Watched the inauguration today. Sure was cold up in DC. To tell you the truth, I’m glad I wasn’t there. I don’t like crowds and I don’t like cold.

Anyway, it was obviously a spectacular event and a beautiful showcase of democracy. For a day, it seemed that Americans were one. Too bad that isn’t always the case.

One thing that bothers me about the inauguration is the ton of concerts and made-for-TV events that surround it. The sight of Garth Brooks in his 10-gallon cowboy hat and tight jeans singing and guitaring around the National Mall kind of distorts the holy ground that place is to me.

It’s certainly a time for celebration, but if it’s going to be a celebration in 2009, then I would assume it would be an equal celebration for the next president.