Raising a family is a demanding job. As parents, we sometimes feel guilty for wishing we had some time to ourselves. The truth is we are better parents when we manage to carve out some grown-up time for us.

You are probably thinking, “Oh sure, I’ll have my time between the 2 A.M. and the
6 A.M. feeding!” Certainly, when our children are very young, our time is pretty much consumed. As baby begins to sleep longer between feedings, however, we can begin to help him adjust to a schedule that is fairly consistent.

Self-care is not something to feel guilty about, it is something that is essential to being on top of your game as a parent. As parents you will need to take the time to work out a schedule that works for each of you. Coordinating the tasks makes the 1001 things that must be done more manageable.

Several years ago during “coffee hour” at our church, I observed a number of young children milling around among the adults. I noticed that a number of the children were about knee-high and I mused at what it must be like to wander around in a world of kneecaps. The adults were engaged in conversation and occasionally one of the youngsters would pull on a parent’s dress or pants to get their attention. In watching, I thought about how often, as a parent, I became so preoccupied that I failed to really listen to my children.

Our children need to know that they are worthy of our time. One of the best ways we can let them know this is by being present in the moment. What does being present in the moment mean? It means that our attention is focused on the now. To be present to another means that we are giving our attention to their needs. In being present the listener is attempting to see through the eyes of the other and listening with the ear of the heart. Being present means the welfare of the other person takes priority for the moment.

Remember the seven dwarfs in “Snow White” singing “Hi ho, hi ho, its off to work we go?” and the song “Whistle While You Work?” Teaching children to be responsible for their things needs to be taught at an early age. Being a helper can be taught as early as eighteen months to two years of age. Before a toddler pulls out everything in the toy box, he can be taught to first put some things away. This makes the job more manageable and is an appropriate place to teach the “first, then rule.” Because the idea of putting things back before getting more out is a little hard for a two year old to understand. It may be easier, if the things that are picked up are placed in a different container, such as a plastic laundry basket for later dumping back into the toy box. That way, he can go to the toy box and see what else is there. Parents can make a game of it by singing a “clean up song” as things are picked up. If you don’t know a song, just make one up to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” or some other children’s song. Songs are a great way to help children connect ideas, because they can be quickly learned and repeated.

When we are committed to something, don’t we first need to have a clear sense of what outcome we are working toward? Most of us are “methodists,” meaning that we have our methods or ways of doing things. Generally speaking, we figure out what works and stick to that formula. The thing about parenting, however, is that what works for one child may not work for another….and what worked today may not work tomorrow.

I became affiliated with Envision Opelika’s Character Education Council a couple of years ago and was invited to be part of a character education training for teachers.  I was so impressed with the program that I went home and wrote a weekly “morning meeting” for my family. It took commitment to write thirty-six weeks of material for our morning
meetings, but it was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. How can family members not leave the house on a positive note if you have just spent fifteen minutes together talking about people who have made a difference in the world, or about things that make you feel thankful or blessed? It definitely helps us start out on a happy note.

Does your child’s behavior sometimes make you question your abilities as a parent? If so, you are pretty normal. The truth is that there are no perfect kids and no perfect parents. It is how we interpret our children’s behavior and whether we respond appropriately that is important.

Our children give us hints at what is behind certain behaviors, but because we are not mind readers and because children, most of the time, have difficulty putting feelings into words, we have to become good “guessers.” We have to learn to decipher the “behavior
code.”

The word cooperation means “to work together toward a common end or purpose.” Are your attempts at engaging cooperation with your child something like trying to engage them in a game of tug of war? Perhaps part of the problem is in how their cooperation is solicited. “Do this!” “Don’t do that!” “Pick it up!” “Stop it now!” And, when we are not issuing orders, we often go into long diatribes about behavior. I have the idea that to our children these must sound something like the teacher in the “Charlie Brown” cartoon….”Wah, wah, wah, wah.” Most of our wordiness falls on deaf ears.

How do we get our children to listen to us? By listening to them. Here is an example of how tuning in opens the door to communication. Imagine that your child comes home from school with a scowl on her face, slams her books down on the kitchen table, and says to you in a snippy tone “Is this all there is to eat?” How you respond can make a tremendous difference in what happens next. Suppose you go into your diatribe. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you will not come into this house throwing things around and speaking to me in that tone of voice….blah, blah, blah.” Your daughter runs to her room, slams the door and doesn’t come out until suppertime.

All of us are reared with a “code of behavior.” Some of us also have strong wills and are somewhat resistant to a code of behavior that prevents us from doing what we want to do.
Generally speaking, our behavior is shaped by parents and others in our environment, as well as by our experiences of the world as we have come to know it. Development is a life-long process. As parents we need to understand the capabilities of our children at their various stages of development. We can’t force children to develop at a faster pace than is possible for them.

Don’t miss the Tax-Free-Holiday, Back-To-School Special Edition (Which won’t be available in the newspaper!) coming out Tuesday August 4th. Learn all about it at this link.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
by: Emilyn Gipson, Child Advocacy Center

I remember being awe-struck by the fact that my son’s kindergarten teacher talked in a soft voice, never raising her voice to get a student’s attention or to gain control of the class. She had a small “tinkly” bell that she rang when the class became loud. She would remind the children that she needed everyone to be “good listeners” so they would know what they would be doing next. I asked her how she was able to maintain her “softness of voice.” She answered by saying, “The children have to learn to listen. They cannot hear me over the voices of their classmates, so they learn to quiet each other down so they can hear what I am saying. If I raise my voice, then I am just competing with them.” The second part of her success for maintaining order was to follow through with what she said would happen. She was very precise in giving instructions. When students continued to be disruptive, they forfeited the planned activity. This sometimes meant the whole class. Other times it was particular students who were given something else to do while the rest of the class carried on with the activity. The next day, the child or children being disciplined, got another chance to prove themselves

What is it that makes some parents think that by shutting kids down, they have stopped an undesired behavior? Most of us have indelibly etched into our brains phrases we remember our parents using to gain control of us. I recall two phrases that were used a lot on me: “Do you understand me, young lady?” And, “Don’t you talk back to me, young lady.” While I remember the disciplinary phraseology, I have no earthly idea what it was I was supposed to understand or what I was wanting to talk back about. I do remember being frustrated because no one seemed to care what I thought or how I felt about much of anything.  (to read full article click headline)

The kids didn’t want to pick up their toys but when they decided to have a yard sale and make enough money to go to McDonald’s, the rest was easy!

The art of accountability…teaching a child to do the right thing can be as simple as noticing it and commenting when they do or allowing the natural consequences to follow when they don’t. Read on to learn a little more about how to get into a child’s world and let the right stuff happen.

Free Parenting Classes at Opelika’s Child Advocacy Center Yield Unexpected Results.

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Provider of tutoring and supplemental education services to students of all ages and skill levels.

Kumon reading and math programs help children master those fundamental skills so important to their overall academic performance.

The Department of Curriculum and Teaching at Auburn University

From walking the dogs to fundraising, there are lots of opportunities to help out at the Humane Society!

Learn about volunteer opportunities with the Lee County Red Cross

Volunteer Family

The American Cancer Society is looking for volunteers of all ages.

We all know a mom who blows our mind. A she-hero who can do it all - and do it gracefully. We’ve noticed some pretty awesome dads out there too. Tell us about the parent you know who inspires, motivates or even intimidates you. You know ‘em and we want to hear about them.

The I-Robot Dirt Dog sweeps your broom under the rug and can do it with or without your help!

Sunday night after the wee one’s have made their final plea for more ice water and another trip to bathroom, I sit down, log on and order the week’s provisions with about 20 clicks of my mouse.

Have we missed a great family friendly restaurant in Auburn, Opelika or great Lee County. Write a review and let us know!

Have you ever had a corn nugget salad with thousand island followed by corn dogs with a side a broccoli and ranch?