Happy Father’s Day, Mate

By Mike Szvetitz
Sports Editor, Opelika-Auburn News
Published: June 22, 2009

Happy Father’s Day to all of you dads out there.

You know who you are.

It was another good and lazy weekend at the Casa de Lazy, where we spent the time sleeping, watching the U.S. Open and trying to keep our house from bursting into flames. Good stuff.

Read on for the LBWC Father’s Day Edition ...

5) Sunday afternoon. G’day.
The traditional “After Church Father’s Day Lunch” spot is Outback. Naturally. The Lazy Clan loves us some Outback, especially the ranch dressing. 

The only thing better than the Outback ranch is the Bloomin’ Onion. Who would have ever guessed that a deep-fried onion would make you want to snatch the last piece from a 4-year-old’s hand and not feel one bit of guilt? Not me?

4) Saturday. Burnin’ Down The House.
I halfway expected to return from Walmart on Saturday morning and see my house on fire. Either that or my car, grass, mailbox or anything not made of space-shuttle material.

That’s how hot it was this weekend. The fact that nothing just burst into flames was a miracle.

I wrapped myself in tin foil to cut the grass, just in case.

3) Friday-Monday. Golf is a four-letter word.
You know that, right?

And if you play, or if you’re a Phil Mickelson fan, you know that fact all too well.

Watching Lefty is like watching Little Tornado run on concrete. He gets going really good, but you know it’s only a matter of time before he trips, falls, scraps his knee and you’ve got to scoop him up, clean off the wound and dress it with a Hello Kitty Band-Aid.

Happens every time.

But, it is entertaining.

2) Saturday. Sticky.
You know the problem with laying on a leather couch too long?

That’s right, you get stuck.

That’s why, after plopping down on the couch after cutting the grass, I didn’t even try to get up. I didn’t want to have to peel my legs and arms from the cushions. So I just stayed there, all day.

Hey, do you know how hard it is to get skin out of black leather? I’m trying to think of my wife here.

1) Sunday. Dad’s Day.
There’s a rule in the Lazy House on Father’s Day: Dad doesn’t have to do anything.

How does that differ from every other day, you ask? Well, I don’t feel bad about it on Father’s Day.

No, really, my girls are the best. They let me chill out all day, only having to get involved when LT had the Busy Baby in a figure four while the Busy Girl was on the phone with her dad.

I just told BB to grab the ropes. She has to let you go when you do that.