SZVETITZ COLUMN: Thankful for Sam, iron and bacon

Gas prices are down, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is just hours away, I’m about to stuff my stomach with enough turkey and pumpkin pie to move my cholesterol level from yellow (elevated) to orange (high), and it’s Iron Bowl week.

Ahh, I love this time of year.

Other than Christmas, is there a better holiday than Thanksgiving? The answer is no. However, Flag Day is making a push into my top three.

And, as is a Lazy Boy tradition, here’s this year’s list of things I’m thankful for.

** Wal-Mart.
Where else can you find a turkey roaster, light bulbs, milk, vitamins, a bungee chord, Cool Whip and a pair of socks all under one roof?

OK, my mom’s garage.  But other than that, I don’t think there’s another place on earth like Sam Walton’s masterpiece.

My love for Wal-Mart is bordering on unhealthy. I seriously enjoy trips to the SuperCenter. It’s got everything.

While shopping with my wife and kids for this year’s Thanksgiving Day Extravaganza, we not only found everything we needed for dinner, but I also price-matched some Christmas gifts on the sly. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a set of his and her matching rain boots.

** College football rivalries.
Yes, having the Iron Bowl fall on the same week as Thanksgiving is a little inconvenient. But, it’s still fun.

Being over at Auburn’s athletic complex on Monday, talking to players and Tommy Tuberville as they gear up for Saturday’s game against Alabama, you could see how much they enjoy this game — this week.

It’s pretty impressive how everyone gets up for the game, regardless of what happened in the season leading up to it.

It’s a one-game season. And, yes, we’ll talk more about this in the next couple days, but this Iron Bowl is unlike any other. With all that’s at stake for both teams, it’s setting up to be a doozie.

** John Madden.
Yes, the NFL’s best color announcer holds a special place in my heart for his contributions to Thanksgiving. The Turducken anyone?

If you haven’t heard, the Turducken is an experiment in gluttony. It’s part turkey, part duck, part chicken. It’s amazing.

Well, this year, we’re going to take it to the next level.

Presenting the Turbaconducken.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And his arteries are 95 percent blocked.

The Turbaconducken is one part turkey, one part duck, one part chicken, all parts bacon. That’s right, bacon covers every inch of this tri-poultry bonanza.

God bless America.

** The belly laugh of a 1-year-old.
This time last year, I was preparing for the Iron Bowl in a hospital room as my wife and I welcomed our second daughter into the world.

In case you didn’t know, my wife is known as the Busy Girl, my oldest daughter is known as the Busy Baby (she’s 4 now, but still my baby) and, well, the youngest, she’s known as Little Tornado. I know it’s not consistent with the trend, but if you’ve ever seen her, it just makes sense.

Little T is a mess, but, man, she’s funny. And she loves to laugh. And not just a little giggle. I’m talking a from-the-soul, belly laugh that, no matter if she just got done knocking a plant over on the living room floor or spilled milk all over the couch or flung spinach and butternut squash all over your work shirt, you can’t help but crack up right along with her.

There’s nothing better than a six-toothed, mouth-wide-open, nose-crinkled-up laugh that makes you want to cry.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

MIKE SZVETITZ is sports editor of the Opelika-Auburn News. He may be reached at or 737-2513.